Wine with me – Shiva

Its been a long time ..i know right. Many things have happened..changed so far.Wordpress have always been my unpaid therapist.. u know, at at times. I am very clear and aware about the fact that this is not a platform to share or discuss your personal life. But here i am today planning to share something i wanted to get over with. I am not expecting anyones perspectives,opinion or suggestion about the situation. You know.. i just want to let this out.

So…specifically starting , u know in your college life you will be having senior connection with one or two people least right? Yeah, i too had some. You know i am and was friendlier with everyone.. or everysenior whom i know. But had this bond with only a few of them.

Here, the senior i ‘meant’ by the title .., she is from another department. Tbh, i love her a lot. I mean i even dont know where i got this love for her. We were in this dance program, were we met, and eventually we became close. By the word ‘close’ it doesnt meant that we share our thoughts, love, care, anything.. no. Most probably she might be teasing me while we talk. But i new that she cared and loved me. You know.. she dropped me home, took me to hers, bought me things..idk . As i said, frankly speaking, i felt this sister-sister bond with her where i felt comfortable. So , in this story, to make things clear, am gonna call her ‘X’.

At the same time, you know,… not only her but i had this two good connections with two other seniors whom we can mention it as ‘Mr. Y’ & ‘Mr. Z’. Speaking of them, they were actally good to me. trated me well. But never did i had this conversation with them as i ever had with ‘Miss X’

At their final yr, these three had some problems between them and Miss X broke her way from that friendship and got into another friendship wew she was actally happy- (she says). In between let me mention one of person …as “Mr. Q” -who is friend with Y and Z but also boyfriend of X.

One day, X texted me telling me to be aware about choosing people around me, which i know she did it with care for me,that i actually took it in the right way . You know….as the person seeing all these sides, it was clear that these guys broke ways just because of some misunderstanding. It was hard foe me to choose between people, because i cared for all three of them and its no longer a preschool story. But then, i founf this one person odd- Mr. Q , whom i thought should be feeling the same way as i did. Moreover, he was much close to both the sides . So… i always had his feeling that Mr. Q would make things right which hw never did.

A month passed, in some coversation it came out that what she actually did, hurted both f this Y and Z which made me feel guity. I dont know y but i did nothing on the purpose to hurt anyone but to rather wished if the problems ever solved for them to be together again, for the final time for real.

Then.. there was this long ga between us. She probably see me with the ones she once warned me about, idk how.. u know but i was happy seeing her. I waved and smiled at her even when i am with these people. She too did the same, which i wish to be true feeling.

Finally they graduated. I didnt had this courage to suddenly pop up from somewhere and act like i am not guilty. ( even if i know that i am not).

Recently i woke up to her instagram story that she is going abroad to pursue her higher studies where i too up all my courage and left a text message that i wasnt sure where and when certain circumstances put us apart, that my love for her never changed, wishing her….to which, .. she replied thankyou ( with hand made heart emoji).

What am i expecting? Was i expecting her to tell me back that she too loves me and that she will miss me.. idk.. i wish for once, if i too up the courage to sort out the problem with her no matter what, this wouldnt have had happened.

I love you. U know.. u will be always there in my college memory. i miss you. i wish u could live happily as ever u r as the strong and independent girl i know u r.

Yours..,

siva.

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